Company Members
Jake Mierva

Co-Artistic Director & Production Manager
(he/him)
Half-man, half-celestial, Jacob Douglas Mierva cracked out of a star at the age of 4 and had to PISS SO BADLY! Once he relieved himself (went pee), he ran for Congress in 2006, and won. He’s been representing the 6th District from Maine since his landslide win. He hates frogs, he hates bugs, and really REALLY doesn’t want you to bring either to his plays. Let’s see, let’s see, what else, what else… Oh! There’s the light, I guess that’s my time. If you liked what you saw, you can follow me on Insta— Yeah, no, I’m going. Just trying to plug my Instagram. What? No, I didn’t talk to your girlfriend at the bar. What? No, I’ve been eating my carnitas nachos for the last 45 minutes, when would I have—
Read serious version...Danylo Loutchko

Co-Artistic Director & Marketing Director
(he/him)
Danylo Loutchko emerged from a gelatinous sack in Bavaria in 1624 AD. For the first 300 years of his existence, he lived as a circus slug, performing across all the most celebrated stages and streets of Europe. In 1924, he finally racked up enough XP to evolve into his next form, an itinerant vampire guitarist. He played rock’n’roll up through the Clinton administration, when that stuff stopped being cool. His major strength: an 8-foot vertical. His major weakness: navy beans.
Read serious version...Christopher Bales

Photography & Videography
(he/him)
Behold Christopher Bales, the undisputed, unchallenged, and unqualified sovereign of sarcasm of this rad slice of thespian paradise we call an alleged Theatre Company. Ever since he was a young boy, Christopher dreamed that one day, when he grew up, that he would be older. That dream has been fulfilled thanks in part to the generous contributions of an alleged Theatre Company and viewers like you.
Read serious version...Steph Callaghan

Actor, Assistant Director & Improviser
(she/her)
Paintball, paintball, paintball, I wish I could stay a kid forever because I love paintball. As it is, my wife and kids keep me in line. That works though because I have an amazing family.
Cheers,
Ron J the Rat Man
J McIntyre Godwin

Actor & Collaborator
(he/him)
J. McIntyre Godwin, formerly a discus throw gold medalist, is now giving another Ancient Greek art form a try. Theatre!!!! He has been involved with several alleged Theatre productions, and is excited for the future! Maybe, just maybe, he’ll get his Christmas wish and finally get to play Jimmy Stewart in a behind-the-scenes stage adaptation of It’s a Wonderful Life. It really is Mr. Stewart, it really is.
Read serious version...Sarah Halverson

Actor & Collaborator
(she/her)
As the morning sun rose and reflected on the dew of yesterday, there came the crying of a babe. From the mist, a figure emerged, clad in armor with the Crest of the King upon her chest. The babe did cry no more, for there stood Sarah the Valiant, and in her wake wickedness cowered. She has walked through what most run from. She has defeated what most find themselves defeated by. She has led us not through force of hand, but through bravery, strength, and humility. Who among us does not recall the day when Sarah the Valiant smote the Black-Hearted Dragon Beast? Or when she massacred the Ghastly Gorgon King? Or when she won the jackpot on the slot machine for real for the first time no one had ever won before but she did and she really won 100,000,000 gold coins? Now, all who walk the earth know, when greatness beckons, it is Sarah who knocks.
Read serious version...Alexandra Pozniak

Director & Stage Manager
(she/her)
Alexandra is very good. Very good and VERY important. She is smart and good and very funny. She is good, and good at what she does and also at what she does not do. She’s been to very good places where she did a very good job at the things she did. Alexandra’s work is good and wow, you should see it, because it is very important and funny and good, and incredible even. Good job, Alexandra.
Read serious version...Aaron Thostensen

Graphic Design
(he/him)
Aaron is enormous and indefinite, being taller than even the tallest guy you knew in high school and having shoulders so broad that they span magnificently from Winnipeg to Montevideo. Aaron approaches and cannot be stopped.
Read serious version...Eric Wigham

Lighting & Sound Design
(he/him)
Why are you looking at me like that? Is my skin suit not fitting correctly? I just had this thing tailored and I think they screwed it up. Human skin is gross. It’s so hot and flabby and uncomfortable. I want nothing more than to go home to my kind, but alas I’ve been stranded on Earth since 1947 because the damn government keeps needing “one more year” to study my ship. There’s a self destruct button on that thing you know. I’ve watched them almost hit more than a dozen times, but I can’t tell them that. It would make them fear me. I prefer worship. Once I can send a message home, I will let them know that the humans are weak and Earth is ripe for the taking mwahahaha. Oh shoot… did I say that out loud? Don’t be frightened! Oh hey look at all these cool lights and stuff. Ooh! Aah! Cue music and dramatic slo mo walk away.